I have hope this new year will kick 2017's ASSSSS!!!
Today I was scheduled for a remote along with my co worker, which I've dubbed 'Vintage Pin Up', so we were both scheduled from 11-3 at a University to promote a gym BUT( dramatic plot twist ) an hour before the remote started it was cancelled ( DUN DUNN DUNNN) due to a power outage. Not gonna lie, this type of 'disappointment' has been the running theme of 2018 for me so far. BUUUT the year just started AND YEEESSS, I'm that type of annoying optimistic person, so there is hope in my heart for 2018!
So yes, right now, I'm optimistic....but that could also be the wine talking.
I have been planning to do a 'dry January' buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Just but. It's hard. I never really realized how often I relied on a glass of wine after experiencing disappointing shit in my life and unfortunately for me my definition of "shit that's happening in my life that requires a bottle or 3 of wine" is very broad!! I fucken LOVE RED WINE! I've had a longer relationship with red wine than with any other mother fucker out there. So yah, on my "Friday", I'm drinking. My dry January isn't the dry Sahara I imagined but as wet as going down the Splash Mountain at Disneyland. Cheers!
OBIKWA is the brand of choice tonight and the story behind my choosing of this brand is because of The Wolf. The Wolf is a man. A sexy man. MMMMMMMM. We have a type of brief history. After a hitting of the PAUSE button ( I ghosted him, I know, I'm a millennial monster ) I encountered The Wolf at a liquor store in my neck of the woods (damn small towns) our relationship has always been a mess and my heart is a mess when it comes to The Wolf.
I'm 26, single and kickin ass at my career. The Wolf is 45, a single divorcee with a lot of baggage. We met on Halloween. I went to a bar my friend was performing at with her band. The Rocker is our mutual friend. and DAMN, The Wolf and I had the most intense, passionate and fiery connection I've ever felt. But it wasn't meant to be. Our relationship so far has been "Sex, Drugs & Rock 'N' Roll" except I don't think he knows anything about Rock.
It's not been a sober relationship with no effort of anything more than sex and I contributed to that definition. At the time I didn't want a relationship and now I kinda do. I do have feelings for him but my walls are up. These walls are what Trump aspires for his "Mexican walls" to be like. They have served me well but also have caused me a lot of pain. The walls are up because of past experiences with loved ones..and even strangers, those strange mother fuckers!
I can admit I have feelings for The Wolf. And I gave him a chance. After our 'ghosting' episode, I randomly encountered him in a liquor store just before Christmas. His eyes were sad and he didn't have anyone to spend Christmas with, my heart went out to him and I extended an invitation. It was a very good and fun time. Except for the part where we slept together. I was wanting to start fresh, as friends and go slow, learn about each other and all that romantic shit. Didn't happen and I don't think it can ever happen.
I'm scared to be with him. He has a drug ( hard rugs, not weed) history that he says he's done with but my gut says otherwise. He had lied to me about his age when we first met so I wouldn't put it past The Wolf. After Xmas, I was hoping we could have a decent type of relationship but he went on a bender until New Years. During his bender the only time he'd reach out to me was for a drunken booty call. Nothing else. What a great way to make me feel cheap and a HUGE TURN OFF. ( guys, here's a tip, even if a girl doesn't want a relationship, treat her better than the whore you're not willing to pay for )
So, I'm drinking red wine. Sad-ish, single, hungry and watching Bob's Burgers on Netflix. This show makes me HUNGER for burgers but I can't. I'm a transitioning vegetarian and it sucks. I'm a month in and all I notice is the carnism culture around me. Every western meal is promoted with a type of meat dish. It's FUCKING HARD!!!! I LOVED CHEESEBURGERS!!!! RIP!!! It's interesting to observe peoples relationship with their food. I started to notice this when I let people know of my decision to transition to be a vegetarian. They pretty much lost their shit. They thought I was crazy, which made me think they're crazy which is crazy! Peoples relationship with their chosen diet would make for a great psychology report. There is a HELLA deeper meaning to each food choice than we realize. But that's for another time, after a joint for a "highdea" discussion.
I guess that's kinda been whats on my mind for the day. Also, I bought a black furry carpet ( Perv, I know what you were thinking ) from Jysk for my bedroom. Stupid idea because I have cats. I forgot about them when I was buying the carpet and marveling at the fact that I could own a nice carpet. Wrong. Squeeker has claimed it. That black carpet is no longer mine. Such is the way of life when you have animals..or children ( but at least my cats don't talk shit back to me, they just pretend to like me which I'm OK with )
And speaking of cats, I'm in the beginning stages of the "single cat lady pack". I've got 3 cats. Almost had 4. But only 3. There's Herman, Squeeker and Coco. Herman is my quiet introvert who is every now and then the bathroom attendant. He spends a lot of time in the bathroom. Squeeker I got for my mom from the SPCA but she gave him back because he's kind of an asshole and she can't outrun his claws when he's having a bitch day. Coco is my little princess, I got her off Kijiji and she chooses only to eat soft food and if you don't give soft food to her somehow she makes sure that you have a type of "accident" ( she's the Sopranos of the cat world ). Pains in the ass but I love 'em!
The bestie messaged today. Her mom died a couple of months ago and the coroners results came in. Drug overdose. Sad.....
Papa Bear's not replying to my txts even tho he's posting social media every 10 minutes. I'm worried about him.......